Miss You, Dad.....

today has been one of those days but not quite.  something was different.  sometimes i'm all fired up and know just what to do but today was different...just uncertain what project to start or finish...it was more like an out of body (OBE) experience.  yes, i've had those too.  felt disconnected, dislocated, distant.  something was pulling me in all directions, distracting me.  couldn't get my act together.  didn't want to get my act together.  started a project and then got lost doing something else.  felt befuddled, bewildered, confused and had an i don't care attitude that isn't me.  the weather is not helping.  i think it's depressing me.  this brutal, relentless heat is making me feel helpless.  the more i water, the more the plants die.  i think because it's so hot that even watering is not helping as the intense heat is just plain drying out, killing the vegetation.  been thinkin of Dad.  He's been gone over 6 years now.  remember when he was making the long commute back and forth between Boston and home (Northeastern University) to get his BA.  it took awhile but he was determined to make a better life for us all.  we would have to shovel the driveway so he was able to drive the ole jalopy up to the house.  the snow was over our head.  if you ain't used to New England winters you don't know what you be missin.  we had on woolen mittens, snow caps, coats, scarves and the old boots with the metal latches up the front.  i sure am agein myself ain't i?  when we did finish, we had chill blains from the cold, and the snott was frozen to our faces.  we would quickly come into the house, lay our mittens on top of the cast iron radiator in the living room, huddle together, to get warm.  Mom would have hot cocoa waiting for us.  Dad did visit me, though, a short while back, while I was standing at the sink, doing dishes.  Have the date down but don't remember it at the moment.  Just as easily as i'm typing this, he was there, standing right by my side.  i couldn't see him but definitely could feel him.  I turned toward him.  My husband was watching me as i stood there speaking to vacant space.  (he's used to this) yet i knew Dad was right there in front of me.  i could sense him but could not see him. he took me by surprise, this visit from him, as his appearance was so quick.  i immediately picked up that he was just passing through and wanted to check in on me. I talked with him for a few minutes and thought for a moment, wondering if he had anything for me...then i felt that he gave me the answer.  i asked him, "would you like me to bring your WWII cap down?"  His answer, a surprising "yes."  So I went upstairs, found it, brushed it off and came down.  I asked him, "Dad, where would you like this?"   After a few moments, I felt certain he wanted me to place it right on top of the windowsill above the sink.  Then, each time i came down every morning, his cap would be right there, greeting me.  I turned and looked at the space he was occupying..."is this okay" I asked?"  i felt him say, "yes."  then, in a few moments he started to leave.  i could feel him go.  "Dad, thank you for coming by to check in on me".  I told him i loved him and missed him.  And then he was gone.

I've had other experiences like this.  if you'd like to know about them, email me. 

Even with life's squared finiteness, I know there are other realms because i've experienced them, many times.

I am convinced that each and every one of us is here, not by accident, but by design.   

We each are assigned our own personal timetable in which to accomplish and learn things, get over bad habits, etc. and learn positive, good things.  try to get rid of the old ways and put on the new.

And each one of us has an obligation (some haven't caught on to this yet) to try and pass what we learn on to others; whether they be a bad to the bone individual or a good one. 

some will listen, comprehend and choose to integrate these lessons into their lives.  some will not. 

but we have to keep trying in order  to make this world a better place for all.