When I Get To Heaven

G-d, when I get to Heaven would you answer a few questions for me? My Mom passed away on October 1, 2009, at exactly 12:53 p.m. I know, as I was with her when she left this earth. She was 87 plus years old. My husband and I received a call from the nursing home that morning, "your Mom is waiting for you, you need to come as soon as possible." We hurriedly packed up a few things and took off. I was praying all the way, not knowing what to expect. A few tears but through them all, I knew that I had to be there for Mom. I had to be strong for her as she needed me more than I needed her. I asked G-d to give me the strength to do whatever was required of me. When we got to the nursing home I didn't know what to expect. They had a separate bed all made up for us, in case we needed to spend the night. I settled right in with Mom, making myself at home, sitting on her bed and grasping a hold of her hand. Her eyes weren't focusing right, she wasn't talking and she appeared to "not be all there" but I started in talking to her. I chatted about her childhood, her family, the three daughters she basically had to raise all by herself, all the fun we had picking blueberries, and catching soft-shelled crabs. I sang hymns, read to her and sang one song that I hadn't heard in a long time....Kumbayah. I have no idea why this old 1930's spiritual popped into my head but it just appeared out of nowhere so I went with it. It was comforting to me and I believe comforting to my mother. Even though Mom never said a word during all of this, I "knew" she heard every word I said. My husband had just left a few minutes earlier for some lunch for the two of us. He was gone but only twenty minutes when I started to read the Twenty-Third Psalm and Mom passed. Her passing was so sudden that I was completely taken by surprise. I had expected to be with her, through the night and possibly into the next day. Why didn't she spend more time with me? Hadn't she called me to be with her? And now, in just a few short minutes, she was gone. Can you forgive me for saying that I was a little angry? Here I came all that way to be with her, help her "cross over" and by golly, she did. I was successful. She was gone. But she left me without a whimper. Not even a goodbye. I was the one left saying, "goodbye Mom, I will miss you." And from her, nothing. My question to you L-rd is, "why do You create us just so we are here on this earth a short time and then you take us away?" "Why did you create the giant behemoths, the Magnificent Dinosaurs, that roamed the earth 65 million years ago and then, poof! they all disappeared in the blink of an eye"? "Will I be able to see them in all their glory after I'm gone?" "Why the flood that wiped out a myriad of races whose DNA has been lost forever"? "Why, why, why? Will you tell me?" "Why do you allow the powerful to slaughter the weak?" "Why do you allow the ruthless to continue to savagely attack their peaceful neighbors?" "Why, why, why?" "Why do you allow babies to be aborted?" "Why, why, why?" "Why did you allow the Holocaust?" "Why, why, why?" "Why did you allow Pol Pot to murder millions of Cambodians?" Why, why, why?" "Why do you allow wars?" "Why, G-d, why?" "Will you tell me?"
--------
Right now, I have been sitting alongside a dying calf in my barn. We have been nursing her for 8 weeks. We have done everything for her. Many would have just kicked her out into the cold and let the coyotes take their choice cut. We don't. Do you folks realize that animals feel loss? That they grieve for their young? Not exactly the same way we do but they do have feelings and they do feel pain. Their lives mean something (are important) as they were created by the same Creator who created us. They respond to comforting words and gentle hands. Therefore we give them the respect and the care they deserve. Maybe, after I am gone and in my new home, G-d will provide the answers I am earnestly seeking. I look forward to having a dialogue with Him.